Real Americans don't eat tofu while protesting their local KFC. I've composed a list of foods that the average American can appreciate. bacon (none of that turkey substitute crap) eggs (always scrambled) porkroll (it's different than "Canadian bacon" in that it doesn't suck ass) toast (always with butter) ^ any combination of these four (a sandwich if possible) cereal (real cereal, none of that oatmeal/porridge crap) flapjacks (make sure that they're covered in layers of syrup) donuts (only terrorists eat bagels) tuna (no mayo; mayo is for commies) apples (sour, of coarse) jerky (anytime) burgers (always with ketchup) corn (with anything) corn bread (never for lunch) saltines (with ginger ale) pistachios (much better than peanuts, especially if you're allergic to them)      When you're finished eating you should punch yourself in the face to make sure that your head doesn't explode from sheer amazement.